Cary Grant's Journey: The Man Behind The Mask

Let me tell you a story about Cary Grant, one of the most iconic figures in Hollywood history. Behind his suave demeanor and charm, there was a man deeply shaped by his early life. Cary, born Archie Leach, cherished memories of his parents. He once reminisced, "In our garden, there were fuchsias, hollyhocks, geraniums, and primroses. We often ate under the shade of our apple tree, especially on summer Sundays. Those were the happiest days for the three of us." This simple yet profound memory stayed with him throughout his life, a testament to the bond he once shared with his parents.

But Cary's childhood wasn't all sunshine and roses. His parents, Elias and Elsie Leach, were a young couple in working-class Bristol, England, trying their best to give their only son a good life. However, the harsh realities of poverty, grief, and conflict cast a shadow over their aspirations. When Archie was just 9 years old, his mother seemingly disappeared, leaving him with a deep-seated fear of abandonment. He later blamed his father's alcoholism on a "slow-breaking heart," a heartache born from an inability to change their circumstances. It wasn't until Cary became a Hollywood star that he uncovered the full extent of his family's dark secrets.

Cary once opened up to a reporter about his phobias and preferences. He traced his fear of heights back to a swing his father had hung for him from the apple tree. His dislike of Bristol's cold winters led him to "spend every possible moment where the sun shines warmest." Despite his lack of formal education, Cary had an insatiable thirst for knowledge and self-improvement. He admitted, "I have spent the greater part of my life fluctuating between Archie Leach and Cary Grant; unsure of either, suspecting each." This duality was a constant companion throughout his life.

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The Shocking Truth About Cary's Mother

In 1933, just a year into Cary's first Hollywood contract, his father Elias summoned him back to Bristol for a deathbed confession. "Cary initially believed that his mother had gone to the seaside," shares Barbara Grant, Cary's widow, with Closer. "It wasn't until his father was dying that he learned his father had actually placed her in an institution." This revelation was a turning point in Cary's understanding of his past.

The details surrounding Elsie's confinement remain somewhat mysterious. Some say her severe depression stemmed from the loss of her toddler son, John, a brother Cary never knew existed. Others speculate that Elias locked her away due to infidelity or marital discord. "It really isn't clear to me how mentally ill the mother was when she was put into the asylum," explains Mark Glancy, author of Cary Grant: The Making of a Hollywood Legend. He adds, "The file says she is excitable and upset, but if one would be put into a lunatic asylum against their will, one would be excitable and upset."

Cary eventually had his mother released after nearly two decades of confinement and bought her a home in England. However, they never grew close. Elsie remained distant and withdrawn from the man who had once been her little boy. "His relationship with his mother was not an easy one," says Barbara. "He did talk very lovingly of her at times, but also quite critically." Cary felt a deeper connection with his father, who played a more significant role in his childhood, even after Elias remarried when Cary was 10. "He always talked very happily about him," Barbara recalls.

Cary's Struggles in Love and Marriage

Over four decades, Cary appeared in more than 70 films, portraying men of grace, humor, civility, and culture. Yet, he often felt like an impostor. Knowing the truth about his childhood didn't heal his emotional scars. "He's a completely made-up character," Cary confessed about his suave persona. "It's a part I've been playing a long time, but no way am I really Cary Grant." Even his on-screen charm masked an inner turmoil.

Jimmy Stewart, Cary's co-star in The Philadelphia Story, remembered him as "a more nervous, fidgety actor I never saw." Despite his cool demeanor in front of the cameras, Cary sometimes trembled before filming began. This anxiety spilled over into his personal life. Early in his relationships, Cary was charming and attentive, but as things progressed, he became possessive, overbearing, and anxious. "For many years, it made it nearly impossible for him to have a committed, trusting, stable relationship with a woman," explains Glancy. "He always felt they were going to disappear."

Cary eventually realized the pattern he was repeating. "I was punishing [my wives] for what [my mother] had done to me," he admitted. "I was making the mistake of thinking each of my wives was my mother." In the 1950s, he sought help through psychotherapy and experimented with LSD, which was legal at the time. While he felt he was making progress, he acknowledged that complete healing might be elusive. "You cut back the barnacles and find more barnacles, and you have to get these off," he said. "In life, there is no end to getting well."

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His fourth marriage, to actress Dyan Cannon in 1965, faced similar challenges, but the unconditional love from their daughter, Jennifer, and Cary's decision to retire from movies seemed to bring him peace. "From the start, reliable as daybreak, Dad was there for me," Jennifer wrote in her 2011 memoir, Good Stuff: A Reminiscence of My Father, Cary Grant. "He bared his all in love and held nothing back." Cary married his fifth wife, Barbara, in 1981. "I think the birth of Jennifer brought him great love, and I think that the relationship we had brought him peace," Barbara reflects. "Most of the people that truly knew him commented that he was a much happier person in the later part of his life."